9th Feb

The bus to work was late and smelled like a fat girls bellybutton. Then I was 4 seconds late from a break and was docked 15 minutes pay for my troubles. Today sucked balls

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13th Feb

On the bus home from work a bloke was breathing from his mouth with his tongue sticking out a little bit. His eyes were too close together and his loud breathing annoyed the fuck out of me for the 20 minute journey home. I also have £70 to last me until the end of the month. This shit job can suck my arse.

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14th Feb

I've been sat underneath the loudest fucking speaker on the planet. I'm sick of hearing the bastard scissor sisters at 2 million decibels and work are still randomly playing christmas songs. I asked my manager to turn the music down or move me so I could, you know, actually hear the customers and do my job. He offered to move me two seats further down the bank of desks, still pretty much directly under the speaker. I got sick of trying to explain how sound actually fucking works and decided to enjoy the rest of my day with a banging headache.

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16th Feb

It was inevitable since we were so massively over-staffed. We are officially downsizing. Half the fucktards I work with probably got excited and thought that meant we were hiring more midgets. If I get sacked I'm going to shit in my had and throw it at people on my way out

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17th Feb

Today I decided to put some shelves up because I'm such a manly bastard. It took me a while but I found the right pair of jeans for the job, you can't lord it about the place with power tools unless your arse crack is showing a little bit. By the time I'd finished I was so pumped with testosterone I had 3 new grey hairs, a full beard and my wang was 4% bigger.

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19th Feb

Today some uppity bint came over to me when I was with my manager and asked her why I was wearing sandshoes when everyone else was wearing shoes. I hate when people talk about me when I'm standing right there so I explained that sand SHOES were in fact, shoes. She said they were trainers. Really? So I was wearing sand trainers then? Who gives a shit? I work on the telephone and I've never once been asked by a customer what footwear I was wearing.

The same old tart once saw me wearing my lip ring and practically cried so hard she had a period until I took it out.

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That's it for this week. The posts are already becoming less frequent because I'm sick of writing about my dull as shit days. I'll stick it out until the end of the year as promised and them I'm binning it off.

See you next week diary you itchy fanny wart

.Mike B