I decided to abandon this diary thing a while back because my life was boring enough without having to write about the fucking thing as well. I'll probably add to it now and then to keep you sons of bitches updated on whatever dumb shit I've been up to.

A lot has happened since the last time I updated this. I got sacked from my old job, the one you'll remember me mentioning a bunch of times because I was so fond of it. I was basically transferred to another campaign, same shitty job, just selling different useless shit to old ladies and foreign people.

The first week is training on the new product. The training was led by some floppy-fringed, buck-toothed wanker with a faggy little half beard and trousers so tight I could see the wrinkles in his balls. I didn't bother to learn his name. He'd give vague instructions about tasks he wanted us to do while he looked at some gay fantasy football thing on his laptop then get annoyed when I asked for clarification on what he was looking for. I'll give an example so you get the idea.

He split us into teams and gave each team a piece of paper. Told us to draw whatever we liked but we had to switch the person doing the drawing everytime he said switch. So we all did the task, I think I drew some dicks, Elvis with a massive wang and a couple of stick men bumming or something retarded. At the end he asked us to describe the finished piece in three words. I said "no artistic ability". He said "that's wrong, just give me three words to describe it". I counted and I'm no Stephen Hawkin but I was pretty fucking sure I'd used three words. I asked if he wanted it described in three words or if he was looking for three random words that could each describe it. He had a little tantrum and started having trouble getting words past his giant fucked up teeth, I realised after a few minutes he was accusing me of making it difficult but I wasn't really listening, I was too busy wishing he died of AIDS.

Second day of training they sent me home for wearing the wrong shoes, it was pissing down with rain and they told me I had to change them and come back. By the time I got home and back I'd only be there for the last 20 minutes so I said I might as well just come back the next day. Makes sense right? No. They demanded I come back anyway. I didn't because I'm an arsehole like that.

The next day I was talking to two of the other guys in training about how we'd all started on the same day and we were talking about how we'd come full circle and ended up in training together. Turned out we were the last 3 left from that group of 14 since the rest had either been fired or left for other jobs. It was that conversation which got me shit canned. Apparently, talking about staff turnover scares the new starters. In my meeting they said they didn't want the trainees thinking that they sacked people for no reason so they sacked me. They didn't see the irony even after I explained it would be like me punching them in the face to prove I wasn't violent.

So now I'm back on the dole. I'm about as broke as I was before so not much has changed really. I put some weight on sitting on my arse all day so now I'm having to eat healthy crap, that sucks massive balls but it also means I get to walk down the riverside and see all the weirdos again so every cloud and all that. Yesterday I saw a man walking his dog, he threw a ball and the dog darted after it. When it reached it the dog just squatted and shat on it then trotted back to the owner. I wanted to see if the guy picked the ball up so I hung around and watched. He walked up to it but then he caught me looking and left it there. On the way back I noticed it was gone. The cheapeskate bastard probably rinsed it off and now throws his dog a shitty ball.

Not much else has happened. Let me think. There was the guy with the shitty ball, I saw a fat man who looked like Peter Griffin, found a green spider on my shoe... that's pretty much the last few months summed up.

Oh yeah, today I farted outside and a man accross the street heard it. He looked at me and I looked back, I made no apologies. We both exchanged a small nod in acknowledgement of how manly it was and went about our business.

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That's it for now diary you useless fuck monkey. See you next time